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At the bowling alley, Mort Goldman bowls a perfect game and becomes an overnight celebrity. Lois arrives to pick Peter up from the bowling alley, but discovers Quagmire spying on her from the ceiling of the ladies' toilet. Quagmire is beaten up then arrested, but released shortly after by Joe. On his return, Lois, Bonnie and Loretta initially demand he leave the neighborhood, then Ernie the Giant Chicken attacks Peter and starts a fight that causes huge casualties in and outside Quahog. After the fight, Peter returns to the neighborhood to return to the conversation and convinces them that Quagmire was just giving Lois a compliment. Finally, they agree that he can stay as long as he controls his perverse behavior. Quagmire is taught self-control through operant conditioning by Peter and his friends, and is eventually allowed out in public. Soon, however, he is distracted by women playing in a fountain in the shopping mall and panics, running into a CCTV camera operation room monitoring women's changing rooms. Discovering that a lady in a fitting room is having a heart attack, he appears to rush to her aid, performing CPR and saving her life. Quagmire is congratulated for his heroism, but his intention had been to molest the woman while she was unconscious (by saying "What the hell is CPR?").
This upsets Peter, who is jealous of his friends' success. In the hope of becoming famous, Peter attempts to set a world record for eating the largest number of nickels, but develops nickel poisoning and loses his vision. Attempting to drown his sorrows, Peter visits his local bar, The Drunken Clam, with his guide dog, unaware that the bar is on fire (caused by God trying to impress a woman). Discovering the bartender Horace trapped under debris, Peter saves his life and is proclaimed a hero by local newsman Tom Tucker. When told that he saved Horace from a burning building, Peter replied with disbelief, "That freakin' place was on fire?!" For his inadvertent bravery, Peter is awarded a medal by the mayor and receives an eye transplant, the replacement eyes coming from a homeless man dragged to death when Peter accidentally tied his guide dog around the man's neck thinking it was a parking meter. The end of this episode is an unconnected parody of the closing throne room scene from Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope.