Needing extra money, Chris decides to get a newspaper route, to help pay for a birthday gift for a girl he likes. Among those on his paper route is an old man named Herbert who is sexually attracted to Chris. He gives his crush a present, but his clumsiness and over-eagerness scares her off. Nevertheless, he decides to stay with the paper route. Shortly thereafter, however, Chris witnesses a robbery at a convenience store, and his bike ends up being stolen by the burglar as a getaway vehicle (even though he takes the bike but runs on foot). Later, at the police station, Chrise identifies the thief from a police lineup. However, Peter shows up and tells the thief (not knowing he is the thief) that he is here to pick up Chris who was going to "finger the guy who held up the convenience store" and then proceeds to give the thief a picture of Chris, along with a list of his school schedule, and his greatest fears. When the thief escapes and swears revenge on Chris, the family is placed in the Witness Protection Program. The Griffins are then relocated to Bumblescum, a tiny town in the deep South. When they get there and see their house, Meg complains about it, and Lois says that "If we fix it up a bit it could be a piece of crap." While there, Peter becomes sheriff with Brian as his deputy. Stewie joins a hillbilly jug band, Meg becomes popular with her classmates, and Chris meets a new friend named Sam.
Later, when Peter interferes with a Civil War reenactment, claiming the North won the war, despite how they were being portrayed in the play, Sam's dad says Chris and Sam can no longer be friends and Peter and Brian have to answer to the civil war survivors. Not knowing of this, Sam unexpectedly kisses Chris, and Chris assumes Sam is gay. As Chris writes in a journal about what happened with Sam, Brian hears the story (as Chris was speaking out what he wrote), and he explains that kissing Sam seemingly felt right.
When the two meet again, Chris tells Sam that he likes him but only as a friend. Sam agrees and when they are about to go swimming it is revealed to Chris (by Sam's bra, panties and long hair covered by a cap) that Sam is a girl. Due to the fact that Chris has had bad experience with girls (as seen in the beginning of the episode) he now feels awkward around Sam. At a party that was held that night, Sam explains to Chris that he had no problem talking to her, when he thought she was a guy, so she tells Chris to think of her as a boy who he can make out with.
After the Secret Service agents who were hired to look over the Griffins home in Quahog accidentally reveal the location of the family (telling the criminal where Meg was, but not Chris), the criminal tracks the family down in Bumblescum, and attempts to kill Chris. During the confrontation, however, the criminal is shot by Sam's father.
With the criminal gone, the Griffins return to Quahog with Chris having to leave Sam behind. Once they are home, they realize that someone had left 113 messages on their answering machine, all of which turn out to be from Herbert, who is looking for Chris.