The episode begins with a flashback set seven years ago, where it is revealed that Brian was born in a puppy mill and taken from his mother. Back in the present, Brian tells his psychiatrist about the experience. Afterwards, Brian volunteers to pick up Stewie from his vacation at his grandparents' summer home in Palm Springs, California, where Stewie frames a maid for stealing to amuse himself at dinner. At the airport bar, Brian gets very drunk and, when Stewie comes to retrieve him, their plane tickets are stolen. They stop at a rundown motel, where Stewie tries calling home, but fails because he believes his phone number is867-5309. The next day, they have to escape and hotwire a car because their credit card was rejected. To get home, Stewie and Brian masquerade as crop dusters to steal a plane, which they immediately wreck. As the pair continue hitchhiking back to Quahog, they pass by a puppy mill near Austin, Texas, Brian's birthplace. Upon arrival, they discover that Brian's mother wastaxidermied and turned into a table by the puppy mill owners as a memorial. With Stewie's reluctant help, Brian gives his mother a proper burial. While eulogizing Brian's mother, Stewie gives an unusual retelling of the Biblical story of Abraham and Isaac. The pair eventually complete their journey home by riding in an open boxcar, where Brian attempts to apologize to Stewie for all of the trouble he has put both of them through, only to have Stewie reply that he actually enjoyed it. Reconciled, they perform a musical duet "Off On the Road to Rhode Island" as the train takes them home. When Stewie and Brian return home, Lois asks Stewie about the trip, and Stewie covers up for Brian by saying the trip was "Smooth sailing through calm seas". Lois leaves and Brian tells Stewie that he is thankful to Stewie for covering for him, and asks Stewie if there's anything he can do to repay him. At first it appears that Stewie wishes to make him his servant by providing an example with an episode of The Brady Bunch, although it turns out that Stewie wants Brian to tape that episode for him.
Meanwhile, Lois urges Peter to watch relationship videos with her, but the videos turn out to be pornography hosted by Dr. Amanda Rebecca, who strips after asking the women to leave the room. Peter becomes addicted to the videos, much to Lois' chagrin. She gets herself on the end of one of the tapes in black lingerie and entices Peter. While kissing, Peter rewinds the tape, playing the part of Lois taking her robe off over and over.